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A different writer every week takes on the stars...
Week of November 10-16
By Emily McLean
Is that a 4 p.m. sunset I see rolling in? As we transition from the excitement of harvest season, the urge to bunker fast approaches. Now the grain is collected, we must sift through the reaps and hunt for any mold endangering the sheaf. This week’s astro forecast calls for priority shifts and serious schedule cuts- how prepared are we for winter, really? As per usual, don’t forget to check your Rising and Moon placements!
Events:
Jupiter maintains a trine with Saturn (Canc △ Pisc)
Mercury enters Retrograde, Sag, 14:01 Nov 9th
Jupiter enters Retrograde, Cancer, 11:41 am Nov 11th
Mercury Conjuncts Mars, Sag, 18:15 Nov 12th
Grand Water Trine, Nov 16th, Sun △Jupiter △Saturn
Events:
Jupiter maintains a trine with Saturn (Canc △ Pisc)
Mercury enters Retrograde, Sag, 14:01 Nov 9th
Jupiter enters Retrograde, Cancer, 11:41 am Nov 11th
Mercury Conjuncts Mars, Sag, 18:15 Nov 12th
Grand Water Trine, Nov 16th, Sun △Jupiter △Saturn
Aries:
So much early activity in Sagittarius may feel like someone is attempting to light your kindling! After the past weeks of water and earth heavy activity, it’s not unreasonable to feel like you've been surrounded by wackos. Inspiration, especially around love, has been running rampant, and communication becomes heavily highlighted. However, all that glitters is not necessarily gold. Nurture the spark, but proceed with caution and lean on the community closest to you. What felt good last week is likely to prove unsustainable moving into retrograde season. This week, do not be afraid to ask for help. Prescription: potluck.
Taurus:
Uranus has been squatting in your corner, poking you in the side like an annoying kid at the store. Venus has been starring you down from the other side of the wheel, inviting you to explore. The South Node has been trining you, tricking you into watching a highlight reel of every mistake you've ever made. Everything is begging you to push your limits. Post full moon burnout is incredibly real, and you may feel as though your body can't keep up with your mind. Beware of taking your frustration out on your loved ones this week. Luckily, the stakes are low and you have time to experiment! Prescription: dry-erase board.
Gemini:
Post full moon, Uranus teeters on the edge of you and Taurus and flirts with your 12th house. Maybe this Halloween got a little too rowdy, keep an eye on your health and wellbeing. If your friend begs you to come with them to Urgent Care, be their advocate. We cannot afford losing any baddies to a rolled ankle on the subway. Pay no attention to the pre-retrograde fog rolling in, and take this as an opportunity to establish your team and work on collaboration. Financially, you will be blessed, if you can keep your time management in check. Prescription: Ibuprofen and Vitamin C packets.
Cancer:
Jupiter has been your friend this summer, and with the retrograde creeping in it is easy to succumb to frustrations around your newest projects and investments. Allow your lunar return (Nov 8th/9th) to vent these hiccups. Cry tonight, plan tomorrow. Luckily, you’ve been embraced by new friends and older mentors from all corners. Fear not, Jupiter still has your back- Retrogrades are a time of introspection, not erasure. If you feel your evenings have held an air of propheticism, listen!! If your friends pop up in these dreams, tell them. They were probably thinking about you too. Prescription: When Harry Met Sally.
Leo:
Block them. Delete Tinder, mute Hinge. I know the urge to paragraph and pontificate is strong this week- write these thoughts down. The creative juices have been flowing this month, channel this into rearranging your space and learning to enjoy evenings by yourself, just for tonight. Remember, retail therapy is valid and anyone who sneers otherwise probably smells weird. Give yourself the same grace you would your bestie, light a scented candle, and buy fancy lotion. This blockage will pass shortly after the Nov 20th new moon, but for now, dance it out. Prescription: Hitachi Magic Wand.
Virgo:
I know your internal monologue is starting to sound like an AOL dial-up tone right now. If you’re trying to make the best of creative stasis, return to your roots (pros and cons lists.) For some reason, the highs have been very high, and lows… subterranean. Remember: not your circus, not your monkeys. You are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings. Your best course of action this week is a cup of hot chocolate and going non-verbal. Let this disassociation wash over, just for right now. Prescription: fresh produce at Union Square market.
Libra:
Congratulations on finally getting your flowers at work! Try not to get ahead of yourself, everyone is slowing down this week. This doesn’t mean they forgot about you, or that no one is as excited as you’d like them to be- they will, however, likely forget to pay you back. If you can, stuff your pride and money in a gilded box on the shelf and celebrate with prudence before you burn out. See how they sparkle in the sun next to the books you said you'd read? Remember, just because they respect you does not mean they like you. Prescription: diary entries in glitter gel.
Scorpio:
Happy (early, late, and on time) Birthdays, Scorpio! Even though it’s your time to shine, you’re likely playing the Mom-friend for everyone else right now. Who has and hasn’t been showing up is likely a surprise- trust this. For once, it’s not that deep. A light skepticism is fine, but connections now will be advantageous later. None of us will judge you for a lightly raised eyebrow. There’s plenty of will they/won’t they in the air- wait it out. By the end of the month, the answer will be clear. For now, let idiots make further fools of themselves. It’s not your fault you’re smarter than everyone else! Prescription: combination pad locks.
Sagittarius:
Stop acting like a know-it-all and playing devil’s advocate. It’s only fun for you, it may cost you a friendship or two. Mars’ energy was really fun last week, but in conjunction with a reluctantly retrograded Mercury, the jokes aren’t going to land. You will have plenty of time to use Mars’ boundary setting hype later, and if playful jabs turn into resentment, listen closely to what your body tells you to purge. Is this really a problem with roots or are you just looking to project? Channel these frustrations into exercise- sometimes the best pre-workout is spite. Prescription: boxing lessons.
Capricorn:
Well, well well- if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions. Knock knock- who’s there- your best friend, karma! Right now, you’re eager to get on with whatever comes next, but Saturn rewards endurance over force. Jupiter’s retrograde may be opposing some of your recent achievements, and asks you to reconsider your expenditure. You can, but should you? Career, networking, and money influences have been going smoothly so far, don’t get irritated when it slows down this week. Embrace patience, be the tortoise. Allow this stasis to breed trust, and avoid holiday shopping until next month (I know, I’m sorry.) Prescription: guided meditations.
Aquarius:
Don’t. Fuck. Your. Coworker. Now that matters of the home have mostly settled, anticipate some disruptions in your social circle. Likely, you’ve been on the up after a destabilizing transition, and the want to explore all options is strong- use your best discernment to understand wants vs needs. Jupiter and Saturn will likely still protect you and people may be empathetic, but think before this next move. You and your stoicism may not be bothered, but I promise the boy you’re texting will be. Tread lightly, roads may be slippery when wet. Prescription: a cute new planner.
Pisces:
Treasure awaits you at the end of an intangible rainbow. Be prepared for a legal quandary and use the slow-motion energy of this retrograde to your advantage. Keep your schedule light and open in anticipation for weirdies. Things just keep happening to you, and if you can, don’t let anyone rush you. By the end of the week, you will reap the rewards of an open mind. Your intuition is your greatest tool right now, who said metaphysics have no place in the classroom? Prescription: a Tarot pull.
So much early activity in Sagittarius may feel like someone is attempting to light your kindling! After the past weeks of water and earth heavy activity, it’s not unreasonable to feel like you've been surrounded by wackos. Inspiration, especially around love, has been running rampant, and communication becomes heavily highlighted. However, all that glitters is not necessarily gold. Nurture the spark, but proceed with caution and lean on the community closest to you. What felt good last week is likely to prove unsustainable moving into retrograde season. This week, do not be afraid to ask for help. Prescription: potluck.
Taurus:
Uranus has been squatting in your corner, poking you in the side like an annoying kid at the store. Venus has been starring you down from the other side of the wheel, inviting you to explore. The South Node has been trining you, tricking you into watching a highlight reel of every mistake you've ever made. Everything is begging you to push your limits. Post full moon burnout is incredibly real, and you may feel as though your body can't keep up with your mind. Beware of taking your frustration out on your loved ones this week. Luckily, the stakes are low and you have time to experiment! Prescription: dry-erase board.
Gemini:
Post full moon, Uranus teeters on the edge of you and Taurus and flirts with your 12th house. Maybe this Halloween got a little too rowdy, keep an eye on your health and wellbeing. If your friend begs you to come with them to Urgent Care, be their advocate. We cannot afford losing any baddies to a rolled ankle on the subway. Pay no attention to the pre-retrograde fog rolling in, and take this as an opportunity to establish your team and work on collaboration. Financially, you will be blessed, if you can keep your time management in check. Prescription: Ibuprofen and Vitamin C packets.
Cancer:
Jupiter has been your friend this summer, and with the retrograde creeping in it is easy to succumb to frustrations around your newest projects and investments. Allow your lunar return (Nov 8th/9th) to vent these hiccups. Cry tonight, plan tomorrow. Luckily, you’ve been embraced by new friends and older mentors from all corners. Fear not, Jupiter still has your back- Retrogrades are a time of introspection, not erasure. If you feel your evenings have held an air of propheticism, listen!! If your friends pop up in these dreams, tell them. They were probably thinking about you too. Prescription: When Harry Met Sally.
Leo:
Block them. Delete Tinder, mute Hinge. I know the urge to paragraph and pontificate is strong this week- write these thoughts down. The creative juices have been flowing this month, channel this into rearranging your space and learning to enjoy evenings by yourself, just for tonight. Remember, retail therapy is valid and anyone who sneers otherwise probably smells weird. Give yourself the same grace you would your bestie, light a scented candle, and buy fancy lotion. This blockage will pass shortly after the Nov 20th new moon, but for now, dance it out. Prescription: Hitachi Magic Wand.
Virgo:
I know your internal monologue is starting to sound like an AOL dial-up tone right now. If you’re trying to make the best of creative stasis, return to your roots (pros and cons lists.) For some reason, the highs have been very high, and lows… subterranean. Remember: not your circus, not your monkeys. You are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings. Your best course of action this week is a cup of hot chocolate and going non-verbal. Let this disassociation wash over, just for right now. Prescription: fresh produce at Union Square market.
Libra:
Congratulations on finally getting your flowers at work! Try not to get ahead of yourself, everyone is slowing down this week. This doesn’t mean they forgot about you, or that no one is as excited as you’d like them to be- they will, however, likely forget to pay you back. If you can, stuff your pride and money in a gilded box on the shelf and celebrate with prudence before you burn out. See how they sparkle in the sun next to the books you said you'd read? Remember, just because they respect you does not mean they like you. Prescription: diary entries in glitter gel.
Scorpio:
Happy (early, late, and on time) Birthdays, Scorpio! Even though it’s your time to shine, you’re likely playing the Mom-friend for everyone else right now. Who has and hasn’t been showing up is likely a surprise- trust this. For once, it’s not that deep. A light skepticism is fine, but connections now will be advantageous later. None of us will judge you for a lightly raised eyebrow. There’s plenty of will they/won’t they in the air- wait it out. By the end of the month, the answer will be clear. For now, let idiots make further fools of themselves. It’s not your fault you’re smarter than everyone else! Prescription: combination pad locks.
Sagittarius:
Stop acting like a know-it-all and playing devil’s advocate. It’s only fun for you, it may cost you a friendship or two. Mars’ energy was really fun last week, but in conjunction with a reluctantly retrograded Mercury, the jokes aren’t going to land. You will have plenty of time to use Mars’ boundary setting hype later, and if playful jabs turn into resentment, listen closely to what your body tells you to purge. Is this really a problem with roots or are you just looking to project? Channel these frustrations into exercise- sometimes the best pre-workout is spite. Prescription: boxing lessons.
Capricorn:
Well, well well- if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions. Knock knock- who’s there- your best friend, karma! Right now, you’re eager to get on with whatever comes next, but Saturn rewards endurance over force. Jupiter’s retrograde may be opposing some of your recent achievements, and asks you to reconsider your expenditure. You can, but should you? Career, networking, and money influences have been going smoothly so far, don’t get irritated when it slows down this week. Embrace patience, be the tortoise. Allow this stasis to breed trust, and avoid holiday shopping until next month (I know, I’m sorry.) Prescription: guided meditations.
Aquarius:
Don’t. Fuck. Your. Coworker. Now that matters of the home have mostly settled, anticipate some disruptions in your social circle. Likely, you’ve been on the up after a destabilizing transition, and the want to explore all options is strong- use your best discernment to understand wants vs needs. Jupiter and Saturn will likely still protect you and people may be empathetic, but think before this next move. You and your stoicism may not be bothered, but I promise the boy you’re texting will be. Tread lightly, roads may be slippery when wet. Prescription: a cute new planner.
Pisces:
Treasure awaits you at the end of an intangible rainbow. Be prepared for a legal quandary and use the slow-motion energy of this retrograde to your advantage. Keep your schedule light and open in anticipation for weirdies. Things just keep happening to you, and if you can, don’t let anyone rush you. By the end of the week, you will reap the rewards of an open mind. Your intuition is your greatest tool right now, who said metaphysics have no place in the classroom? Prescription: a Tarot pull.
Week of November 3-9
By Glynnis Eldridge
Aries:
Mars enters Sagittarius this week so you’re inspired to move and take in. Every stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet. Every idiot is someone you’ve undermined. What’s your favorite time of day? Think of the thing you were going to say and wait. Say it now, a minute later. Save your pennies, invest in what disgusts you. The full moon in Taurus promises opportunity.
Taurus:
You know the Earth to be honest, mostly. Watch the trees at midday. Did you hear that? Don’t look at your phone. With the full moon in your sign this week, it's your moment. Be honest when you see your therapist. Don’t change your schedule. You’ve done everything for a reason. Things should go your way, things should always go your way. Catch your shadow at night. Do you like what you see? Act on intentions of self-improvement right now.
Gemini:
Go to the basement. If you want to bite the peppers, bite the peppers. Record your thoughts as audio messages and send them to the dearly beloved and recently departed. Mars enters Sagittarius this week so you know who to talk to. Follow your instincts and speak up. The full moon in Taurus reminds you to look in the mirror. Perhaps you are that dearly beloved needing those records.
Cancer:
Remember goals? What is now concrete was once abstract. You can only do one thing at a time. Time moves by the millisecond. Full moon in Taurus encourages you to socialize. Don’t hide away. Routine evolves slowly, surely. Mars entering Sagittarius means the calendar is your friend.
Leo:
You want more, of course. That’s fine. Take a selfie. Take several. Wear gold. Indulge in what you’ve been mulling over. Go to the hotel with the photo booth and take a hundred pictures of yourself. Imagine what’s possible. Mars enters Sagittarius and as such you’re supposed to be loud in your creativity. You can always be center stage, always, but only if you want to be.
Virgo:
How do you know when you are home? Someone is leaving. Mars enters Sagittarius so you need to decide whether to buy a plane ticket to follow the leaver. But do what you will! Half-truths are not whole. The full moon in Taurus has you questioning everything. Put your roommate’s Alexa in the sink with the clogged drain. You know what to do.
Libra:
Will they or won’t they? Your normalcy as of late is an inner ear itch. You steal, you start fights. Nothing feels right. Make a list and take a nap, even if you don’t normally. Mars is in Sagittarius so you’re learning what you want to learn. Plan to see friends. The full moon in Taurus means your wallet will get fatter, certainly. Shelve what is beyond your control right now.
Scorpio:
New business opportunities are on the horizon, shouting out for attention. Don’t ignore them. Until then, it’s an expensive week. Despite your birthday, friends and family are calling for your support. Don’t you know how to handle this time of year best? The full moon in Taurus thinks so. Remember to look at the stars, and if you can’t, arrange for a quick trip to see them. Remember how big you are in relation to everything else. Remember everything is teeny tiny, even the biggest animals on the planet.
Sagittarius:
You’re livelier than ever, shedding what has felt like unending grief. Mars has entered your sign this week so follow through on what you cannot undo. Trust the process, as they say. But it was you who first said that, wasn’t it? You can change everything. The full moon in Taurus has you wanting to change your habits, and wow, now’s the time. Live your life, live it long, indulge in the only body you have now. You can be a horse in the next life.
Capricorn:
Everything tickles, nothing is pleasing. Don’t forget you can open the window, and you can close the same window. Temperature is a choice. Slow down if you need to; Mars in Sagittarius demands you turn your attention inward. What is there for you? Cut out what isn’t. The full moon in Taurus ignites your creativity. Don’t you dare abandon your new confidences.
Aquarius:
Celebration after celebration! You want to kiss everyone and want everyone to leave you alone. Explain it clearly, perhaps you will be understood. The end of the year is not far off, and so your community needs you. Mars is entering Sagittarius and you are finding you are very well liked. The full moon in Taurus means you shouldn’t forget about what is happening at home. Who needs you most of all? When did you last clean the litter box?
Pisces:
Finally, Mars enters Sagittarius and here is a week in which all of your efforts are paying off. Respite is here as long as you allow for it, so long as you choose to accept. Slow down. The full moon in Taurus means you can indulge in planning that excursion, you know the one.
Mars enters Sagittarius this week so you’re inspired to move and take in. Every stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet. Every idiot is someone you’ve undermined. What’s your favorite time of day? Think of the thing you were going to say and wait. Say it now, a minute later. Save your pennies, invest in what disgusts you. The full moon in Taurus promises opportunity.
Taurus:
You know the Earth to be honest, mostly. Watch the trees at midday. Did you hear that? Don’t look at your phone. With the full moon in your sign this week, it's your moment. Be honest when you see your therapist. Don’t change your schedule. You’ve done everything for a reason. Things should go your way, things should always go your way. Catch your shadow at night. Do you like what you see? Act on intentions of self-improvement right now.
Gemini:
Go to the basement. If you want to bite the peppers, bite the peppers. Record your thoughts as audio messages and send them to the dearly beloved and recently departed. Mars enters Sagittarius this week so you know who to talk to. Follow your instincts and speak up. The full moon in Taurus reminds you to look in the mirror. Perhaps you are that dearly beloved needing those records.
Cancer:
Remember goals? What is now concrete was once abstract. You can only do one thing at a time. Time moves by the millisecond. Full moon in Taurus encourages you to socialize. Don’t hide away. Routine evolves slowly, surely. Mars entering Sagittarius means the calendar is your friend.
Leo:
You want more, of course. That’s fine. Take a selfie. Take several. Wear gold. Indulge in what you’ve been mulling over. Go to the hotel with the photo booth and take a hundred pictures of yourself. Imagine what’s possible. Mars enters Sagittarius and as such you’re supposed to be loud in your creativity. You can always be center stage, always, but only if you want to be.
Virgo:
How do you know when you are home? Someone is leaving. Mars enters Sagittarius so you need to decide whether to buy a plane ticket to follow the leaver. But do what you will! Half-truths are not whole. The full moon in Taurus has you questioning everything. Put your roommate’s Alexa in the sink with the clogged drain. You know what to do.
Libra:
Will they or won’t they? Your normalcy as of late is an inner ear itch. You steal, you start fights. Nothing feels right. Make a list and take a nap, even if you don’t normally. Mars is in Sagittarius so you’re learning what you want to learn. Plan to see friends. The full moon in Taurus means your wallet will get fatter, certainly. Shelve what is beyond your control right now.
Scorpio:
New business opportunities are on the horizon, shouting out for attention. Don’t ignore them. Until then, it’s an expensive week. Despite your birthday, friends and family are calling for your support. Don’t you know how to handle this time of year best? The full moon in Taurus thinks so. Remember to look at the stars, and if you can’t, arrange for a quick trip to see them. Remember how big you are in relation to everything else. Remember everything is teeny tiny, even the biggest animals on the planet.
Sagittarius:
You’re livelier than ever, shedding what has felt like unending grief. Mars has entered your sign this week so follow through on what you cannot undo. Trust the process, as they say. But it was you who first said that, wasn’t it? You can change everything. The full moon in Taurus has you wanting to change your habits, and wow, now’s the time. Live your life, live it long, indulge in the only body you have now. You can be a horse in the next life.
Capricorn:
Everything tickles, nothing is pleasing. Don’t forget you can open the window, and you can close the same window. Temperature is a choice. Slow down if you need to; Mars in Sagittarius demands you turn your attention inward. What is there for you? Cut out what isn’t. The full moon in Taurus ignites your creativity. Don’t you dare abandon your new confidences.
Aquarius:
Celebration after celebration! You want to kiss everyone and want everyone to leave you alone. Explain it clearly, perhaps you will be understood. The end of the year is not far off, and so your community needs you. Mars is entering Sagittarius and you are finding you are very well liked. The full moon in Taurus means you shouldn’t forget about what is happening at home. Who needs you most of all? When did you last clean the litter box?
Pisces:
Finally, Mars enters Sagittarius and here is a week in which all of your efforts are paying off. Respite is here as long as you allow for it, so long as you choose to accept. Slow down. The full moon in Taurus means you can indulge in planning that excursion, you know the one.
Week of October 20-26
By Anonymous
My God, what a week. I mean, there’s definitely some shit in the air, like, cosmic shit, right? Check it out:
Aries:
I want you to do something for me, can you work with me a little? Imagine yourself as a singular knot in just another intersection of a woven hammock, you know the type. See how threads and cords extending in all directions lead to other knots, which yield even more. And on top of the whole glorious structure, someone is pressing their body gently into rest, because of you. Have no thoughts about this, just awareness. Then let that go, too. Now we’re getting somewhere.
Taurus:
For you, what if it actually doesn’t make sense? It’s not like it ever has. Instead of examining these impossible contradictions--Actually, yeah, examine them. The things that define you aren’t at all the ones you think they are, it’s different ones. Let someone take care of you, for fucking once, they understand how to better than you. Then you’ll be free and on to agonizing over that next ceaseless thing, which is always the same thing, but for now it’s not your job, responsibility, or purpose: You have none. Be grateful.
Gemini:
Turning, turning. Well this is a time of opening up, to everything. You see what’s serving you, and what won’t, really crystal clear now. Hold onto those pieces that feel like you to you, and all the rest gets shaved delicately, ground down into powder and put it in a jar with a masking tape and sharpie label, which reads “FAIRY DUST” and sprinkle it on everyone you see. You already know how, you’re doing it. Remember: If you don’t see the sun on the horizon, that’s because it’s already risen.
Cancer:
All the paths are crossing, these days, but how much of this serendipity is actually manufactured? You’re making like a cloud-octopus, spreading your tendrils or tentacles in a far reaching net, and anything that gets sucked in just does, obviously. Let’s make do with a little accuracy, though. Find the function, not just the fun (but don’t forget the fun part, too). What you’ve taught yourself to call “care” needs some work, and sometimes the definition doesn’t have to be re-written. You can just find it in the dictionary.
Leo:
Release, god damn it, however possible. You gotta get that release, man, release and then re-lease. You don’t have to clean up the vomit, but at least now you can remember what you had for lunch, breakfast. Now that it’s out there, well that’s all that really matters. So what? Only you can answer that.
Virgo:
Like a boat in somebody’s driveway, you’ve got to figure out how to move forward. Re-examine literally everything, and you’ll find the rudder doesn’t work so good on concrete, but at least you’re still afloat. So now’s the time to invent new tools and shit, like what even fuels you, really? Get crafty or start dreaming. Just because you know it’s a delusion doesn’t make it any less real.
Libra:
So you cried at the wrong time, so you lost your shit completely, so you melted down instead of melting up. You’re sensitive--So are car alarms, and for good reason. What are your pangs trying to tell you? What are they telling others? Let yourself become a conduit for the voice of the divine and the depraved in equal measure. Heaven and Hell inside you, and then outside you, too. In a word: Chiaroscuro. Light and shade.
Scorpio:
Sometimes those “signs” and “signals” are meaningless, you’re losing it, you’re literally fucking crazy. And others? Well they really are signs and signals, follow them absolutely. Usually you do a pretty good job telling the difference, but this week they’re getting better at lying. Trust your gut, but also trust the opposite of your gut, and also don’t trust anything. Maybe this week just lay low, lol. Don’t do it.
Sagittarius:
You already know the foundation is laid one brick at a time, but right now your struggle concerns how the bricks are even made. You gather the materials, then you mix them. That’s all? Just keep going, is what I’m basically saying. Like your mother always used to say, when dropping you off at your drug dealer’s house without knowing: “Remember who you are and whose you are!”
Capricorn:
Cycles are cycles because they cycle, get that through your head! You can’t change the spiral, only the direction, and the sun’s coming back, pale and bright and elegant like a wedding dress. Well you’re having those thoughts again. Sometimes doing nothing is the most something amount of anything there is. The truth is, like, um, elusive, or something. Lying to yourself is still lying, maybe even moreso. You’re done with that. And, yes, that too.
Aquarius:
If the sweater’s itchy, it’s usually a sign to take it off. Or maybe it’s just inside out? But it also could be a sign of bedbugs, better get that checked out just to be safe. Once you’ve eliminated all the possibilities, then the problem is you. That doesn’t mean you have to make it worse. What if everything was completely, totally different, in no discernible way.
Pisces:
The car’s on fire, and there’s no driver at the wheel? Yeah, yeah. Well actually the road’s on fire too, and there is no wheel, and there’s no car either, and you’re not there. And you’re falling thousands and thousands of feet, just falling, no end in sight, and the air’s on fire too. And it doesn’t hurt but it doesn’t feel good, you know? Maybe a change in direction is in order. Actually, this isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. Yes it is.
I want you to do something for me, can you work with me a little? Imagine yourself as a singular knot in just another intersection of a woven hammock, you know the type. See how threads and cords extending in all directions lead to other knots, which yield even more. And on top of the whole glorious structure, someone is pressing their body gently into rest, because of you. Have no thoughts about this, just awareness. Then let that go, too. Now we’re getting somewhere.
Taurus:
For you, what if it actually doesn’t make sense? It’s not like it ever has. Instead of examining these impossible contradictions--Actually, yeah, examine them. The things that define you aren’t at all the ones you think they are, it’s different ones. Let someone take care of you, for fucking once, they understand how to better than you. Then you’ll be free and on to agonizing over that next ceaseless thing, which is always the same thing, but for now it’s not your job, responsibility, or purpose: You have none. Be grateful.
Gemini:
Turning, turning. Well this is a time of opening up, to everything. You see what’s serving you, and what won’t, really crystal clear now. Hold onto those pieces that feel like you to you, and all the rest gets shaved delicately, ground down into powder and put it in a jar with a masking tape and sharpie label, which reads “FAIRY DUST” and sprinkle it on everyone you see. You already know how, you’re doing it. Remember: If you don’t see the sun on the horizon, that’s because it’s already risen.
Cancer:
All the paths are crossing, these days, but how much of this serendipity is actually manufactured? You’re making like a cloud-octopus, spreading your tendrils or tentacles in a far reaching net, and anything that gets sucked in just does, obviously. Let’s make do with a little accuracy, though. Find the function, not just the fun (but don’t forget the fun part, too). What you’ve taught yourself to call “care” needs some work, and sometimes the definition doesn’t have to be re-written. You can just find it in the dictionary.
Leo:
Release, god damn it, however possible. You gotta get that release, man, release and then re-lease. You don’t have to clean up the vomit, but at least now you can remember what you had for lunch, breakfast. Now that it’s out there, well that’s all that really matters. So what? Only you can answer that.
Virgo:
Like a boat in somebody’s driveway, you’ve got to figure out how to move forward. Re-examine literally everything, and you’ll find the rudder doesn’t work so good on concrete, but at least you’re still afloat. So now’s the time to invent new tools and shit, like what even fuels you, really? Get crafty or start dreaming. Just because you know it’s a delusion doesn’t make it any less real.
Libra:
So you cried at the wrong time, so you lost your shit completely, so you melted down instead of melting up. You’re sensitive--So are car alarms, and for good reason. What are your pangs trying to tell you? What are they telling others? Let yourself become a conduit for the voice of the divine and the depraved in equal measure. Heaven and Hell inside you, and then outside you, too. In a word: Chiaroscuro. Light and shade.
Scorpio:
Sometimes those “signs” and “signals” are meaningless, you’re losing it, you’re literally fucking crazy. And others? Well they really are signs and signals, follow them absolutely. Usually you do a pretty good job telling the difference, but this week they’re getting better at lying. Trust your gut, but also trust the opposite of your gut, and also don’t trust anything. Maybe this week just lay low, lol. Don’t do it.
Sagittarius:
You already know the foundation is laid one brick at a time, but right now your struggle concerns how the bricks are even made. You gather the materials, then you mix them. That’s all? Just keep going, is what I’m basically saying. Like your mother always used to say, when dropping you off at your drug dealer’s house without knowing: “Remember who you are and whose you are!”
Capricorn:
Cycles are cycles because they cycle, get that through your head! You can’t change the spiral, only the direction, and the sun’s coming back, pale and bright and elegant like a wedding dress. Well you’re having those thoughts again. Sometimes doing nothing is the most something amount of anything there is. The truth is, like, um, elusive, or something. Lying to yourself is still lying, maybe even moreso. You’re done with that. And, yes, that too.
Aquarius:
If the sweater’s itchy, it’s usually a sign to take it off. Or maybe it’s just inside out? But it also could be a sign of bedbugs, better get that checked out just to be safe. Once you’ve eliminated all the possibilities, then the problem is you. That doesn’t mean you have to make it worse. What if everything was completely, totally different, in no discernible way.
Pisces:
The car’s on fire, and there’s no driver at the wheel? Yeah, yeah. Well actually the road’s on fire too, and there is no wheel, and there’s no car either, and you’re not there. And you’re falling thousands and thousands of feet, just falling, no end in sight, and the air’s on fire too. And it doesn’t hurt but it doesn’t feel good, you know? Maybe a change in direction is in order. Actually, this isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. Yes it is.
Week of October 6-12
By Tania Jaramillo
Aries:
What do you think about on your knees? Write it down. Yes that too.
Taurus:
Try some candy from japan. You know the ones.
Gemini:
It’s going to be a little brisk out today. Have you ever laughed until screamed?
Cancer:
You can complain a little bit more. Just trust me on this one.
Leo:
A ceremony awaits you. It may not be the one you planned.
Virgo:
Now that you know what was done, you’re the one with the power. You will need to remember this. Fasten it, hold it close. Trust what you have learned. Take aim at all who press you down.
Libra:
Let go a little bit. Tighten and then relax your grip, see how everything around you starts to spin.
Scorpio:
Do you like that?
Sagittarius:
You may come to wonder why this world holds you in the cup of its hand like this. Give it time. Trust not every breakthrough. The right one will make itself known accordingly.
Capricorn:
It won’t all stay in place for long, you know. Your dreams are rushing rivers that race you to the sea. Hold a shell to your ear. Take note. Now place your hands in the streams one by one.
Aquarius:
You will know how to hold it together this time. You will know signs by images. You will let them see you before the moment of touch. Bright stars dripping in a brimming pool.
Pisces:
There is no time. Jump!
What do you think about on your knees? Write it down. Yes that too.
Taurus:
Try some candy from japan. You know the ones.
Gemini:
It’s going to be a little brisk out today. Have you ever laughed until screamed?
Cancer:
You can complain a little bit more. Just trust me on this one.
Leo:
A ceremony awaits you. It may not be the one you planned.
Virgo:
Now that you know what was done, you’re the one with the power. You will need to remember this. Fasten it, hold it close. Trust what you have learned. Take aim at all who press you down.
Libra:
Let go a little bit. Tighten and then relax your grip, see how everything around you starts to spin.
Scorpio:
Do you like that?
Sagittarius:
You may come to wonder why this world holds you in the cup of its hand like this. Give it time. Trust not every breakthrough. The right one will make itself known accordingly.
Capricorn:
It won’t all stay in place for long, you know. Your dreams are rushing rivers that race you to the sea. Hold a shell to your ear. Take note. Now place your hands in the streams one by one.
Aquarius:
You will know how to hold it together this time. You will know signs by images. You will let them see you before the moment of touch. Bright stars dripping in a brimming pool.
Pisces:
There is no time. Jump!
Week of September 29-October 5
By True
Auspicious time for everything. Finally! This “year without vibe” has come into itself, and fast. Time’s dilating like a cartoon cannon before it fires, watch out. Prediction: Shoot into the fucking sun. To give a loose description of an experience and how the thing occurs—How thrilling! This is not a bad thing. No cowardice, weakness, scorn, or bitterness will prosper. Golden moment to be in it, wouldn’t you say?
Aries:
Someone’s got to drive the bus. Even drugged and blindfolded, you’re up to the task. “Keep your hands to yourself” hasn’t been serving you; Flail wildly. You don’t have to know which direction you’re pointing to take them there anyways—Whether they like it or not.
Taurus:
Sit a little less straighter. That weight you feel? It’s not a heaviness, but a fullness. And also it doesn’t have to be. What would you name the sensation of all those self-imposed layers slipping gently and correctly off of you? Barbara? Judith? Candy? It’s happening.
Gemini:
What do you call the precipice to an ascent? Your star’s so that which is not in decline. Don’t hide from it, or anything. Instead, let it surround and envelop you like the large warm arms of something massive and ancient. Remember: shooting stars might be rare, but they are real.
Cancer:
That paradigm shift really did occur this time. Why shouldn’t it? You might think you’re a machine, but you’re actually a network. Tap in. Mechanisms of function repetition can take all that you out of you, or they can give way to vast and glorious vistas, a la the oldest automatic machine: Erosion.
Leo:
A word: Combustion. Another would be ‘spasm’. The point is, these violent paroxysms of life-overdose and overdoing it do end eventually, and you’ve got to put some sort of something in place to be there when you do. Find the color of the times and fill a sketchpad with it.
Virgo:
The city’s feeling small again, like something that never should’ve been opened. Like the lovely spiral, turn in, and further in. Find warmth. Find organs. Find sticky things. Sticky bloody organs sticky rice, put some sticky rice in your bloody organs and stay home, call a phone sex line to fall asleep and don’t cry. The semester’s only just starting.
Libra:
What’s that in the air? Wait, that’s my job. Yours is to think about bodies. Celestial bodies, making shapes to take place just so as to arrange the “body” bodies into place around you. Gravity exists just for this, bringing things into orbit for better and you can move on, but why would you?
Scorpio:
You’re close, even if you don’t quite know what that means. The surface is a place you can locate and you’re there baby. But think for a second what it would feel like to just go under, all the way, and drown in it. What would fill up your lungs, aside from the joyous peace of finality. Buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. And on the other side, down West Street all the way to the bridge…
Sagittarius:
Grow up. Everyone’s waiting. Well you’re already doing it, but it isn’t enough. You’ve been lost in the momentary dazzling, but consider that there really is a future and you have to go there. What is it you’re always saying about the ecstasy and agony of being?
Capricorn:
Sound effect of a cracking whip. But really, the whole control thing is getting out of hand. It’s infuriating everyone around you, though, that it all just keeps working out for you. Nothing bad ever happens. What if you used your power for good? Gentleness, grace, etc. Something vital got lost somewhere, and you don’t remember. But, like the dutch angle, free your expectations of a Center and you get much closer this way. Get out of your head out of your head out out!!!!
Aquarius:
Holy shit are you fucking lucid. This is an incredible time for spectacular feeling. The Master’s hands take tasks on Earth, perform miraculous feats. How to go deeper? What if all this wasn’t enough? Well, there are always signs and symbols. Just breathe and keep “doing you” I don’t fucking know.
Pisces:
What you’re doing is important. You are “seen” and “valid” or whatever. But it’s important to note that structures are reliant on the frameworks in place to support them. Lean in, or on, all that shit you’ve made for yourself, then let the eyes flutter softly and girl get some goddamn sleep. Time for catharsis, complete release. Get rid of this concreteness in your being. Things can be other things.
Someone’s got to drive the bus. Even drugged and blindfolded, you’re up to the task. “Keep your hands to yourself” hasn’t been serving you; Flail wildly. You don’t have to know which direction you’re pointing to take them there anyways—Whether they like it or not.
Taurus:
Sit a little less straighter. That weight you feel? It’s not a heaviness, but a fullness. And also it doesn’t have to be. What would you name the sensation of all those self-imposed layers slipping gently and correctly off of you? Barbara? Judith? Candy? It’s happening.
Gemini:
What do you call the precipice to an ascent? Your star’s so that which is not in decline. Don’t hide from it, or anything. Instead, let it surround and envelop you like the large warm arms of something massive and ancient. Remember: shooting stars might be rare, but they are real.
Cancer:
That paradigm shift really did occur this time. Why shouldn’t it? You might think you’re a machine, but you’re actually a network. Tap in. Mechanisms of function repetition can take all that you out of you, or they can give way to vast and glorious vistas, a la the oldest automatic machine: Erosion.
Leo:
A word: Combustion. Another would be ‘spasm’. The point is, these violent paroxysms of life-overdose and overdoing it do end eventually, and you’ve got to put some sort of something in place to be there when you do. Find the color of the times and fill a sketchpad with it.
Virgo:
The city’s feeling small again, like something that never should’ve been opened. Like the lovely spiral, turn in, and further in. Find warmth. Find organs. Find sticky things. Sticky bloody organs sticky rice, put some sticky rice in your bloody organs and stay home, call a phone sex line to fall asleep and don’t cry. The semester’s only just starting.
Libra:
What’s that in the air? Wait, that’s my job. Yours is to think about bodies. Celestial bodies, making shapes to take place just so as to arrange the “body” bodies into place around you. Gravity exists just for this, bringing things into orbit for better and you can move on, but why would you?
Scorpio:
You’re close, even if you don’t quite know what that means. The surface is a place you can locate and you’re there baby. But think for a second what it would feel like to just go under, all the way, and drown in it. What would fill up your lungs, aside from the joyous peace of finality. Buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. And on the other side, down West Street all the way to the bridge…
Sagittarius:
Grow up. Everyone’s waiting. Well you’re already doing it, but it isn’t enough. You’ve been lost in the momentary dazzling, but consider that there really is a future and you have to go there. What is it you’re always saying about the ecstasy and agony of being?
Capricorn:
Sound effect of a cracking whip. But really, the whole control thing is getting out of hand. It’s infuriating everyone around you, though, that it all just keeps working out for you. Nothing bad ever happens. What if you used your power for good? Gentleness, grace, etc. Something vital got lost somewhere, and you don’t remember. But, like the dutch angle, free your expectations of a Center and you get much closer this way. Get out of your head out of your head out out!!!!
Aquarius:
Holy shit are you fucking lucid. This is an incredible time for spectacular feeling. The Master’s hands take tasks on Earth, perform miraculous feats. How to go deeper? What if all this wasn’t enough? Well, there are always signs and symbols. Just breathe and keep “doing you” I don’t fucking know.
Pisces:
What you’re doing is important. You are “seen” and “valid” or whatever. But it’s important to note that structures are reliant on the frameworks in place to support them. Lean in, or on, all that shit you’ve made for yourself, then let the eyes flutter softly and girl get some goddamn sleep. Time for catharsis, complete release. Get rid of this concreteness in your being. Things can be other things.
Week of September 22-28
By Holly Coleman
Aries:
Foundations are shifting—old expectations, relationships, projects built on sand. Witness collapse without resistance. Something must crack for what matters to thrive.
Tarot: The Tower. Let the walls burn; let smoke drift. Then search the rubble. What remains is what mattered all along.
Taurus:
Examine your self-care and the boundaries you’ve allowed to blur. The week pulls you toward abundance, but indulgence will hollow it out. Nourishment requires discipline.
Tarot: The Empress. Not lush feasts, but the quiet protection of what you grow: your values, your health, your soil. Refinement is dominion.
Gemini:
You’ve been scattering your brilliance. Trade quips for clarity. Choose one direction, one voice, one tool. Less doing, more becoming.
Tarot: The Magician. Use what you have, not what you wish for. One precise move outshines a hundred clever diversions.
Cancer:
Things aren’t as shallow as they seem. Navigate the emotional undercurrents. Let what’s hidden surface, unforced. Clarity comes from what’s concealed in the dark.
Tarot: The Moon. You’re begging for certainty, but illusion holds more truth. Step into the shimmer. Intuition reveals what daylight hides.
Leo:
You’ve been enjoying the spotlight, but what happens when the light dims? Radiance isn’t only for others to witness—it’s for you to live with. Sustain your internal glow.
Tarot: The Sun. Not display, but integrity. Radiate from your core. Absence gleams brighter than applause.
Virgo:
Refinement often comes through solitude. Tend the small, the exact, the bones of your own world. Withdrawal is not weakness; it’s craft.
Tarot: The Hermit. Distance is elegance. Carry a single lamp quietly through darkness and become the compass.
Libra:
Fairness is a blade, not a balm. Decisions you’ve postponed now demand alignment with your truth. Convenience masquerading as balance won’t hold.
Tarot: Justice. Not blindfolded promise, but the seeing, the weighing, the act. Use discernment as your knife—not to wound, but to cut falsehood free.
Scorpio:
Your hunger is ignited, but striking at shadows wastes fire. Secrets, internal revelations, what you aren’t saying—these are your leverage. Let what’s hidden rise unprovoked.
Tarot: The High Priestess. Power lives in silence. Knowing without telling. Let your interior be sanctuary, not spectacle.
Sagittarius:
The cosmos doesn’t want overflow; it wants harmony. Overextending now only leads to imbalance. Fuse extremes: rest and motion, silence and speech, longing and satisfaction.
Tarot: Temperance. The art of measured blending. Pour slowly. Let contradictions share a glass until they taste whole.
Capricorn:
Something is culminating. What’s most potent is not the ending, but what you do there: will you fall, or bow and claim what emerges? Completion isn’t collapse. It’s mastery.
Tarot: The World. Relinquish control. Stand still. Watch the circle seal itself—not by force, but by endurance.
Aquarius:
You’re standing in shadow but hope still flickers. Not loud, not clanging—a fragile brilliance that remakes the night around you. Even a single glimmer in the void matters.
Tarot: The Star. The signal in darkness. One spark can reorder the sky. Let faith in possibility anchor you.
Pisces:
Murkiness has you gasping for answers, but clarity waits in suspension. Stillness is your vantage now. Let go of the urge to act. Let things hang, then see what reveals itself.
Tarot: The Hanged Man. Vision sharpens upside down. Surrender is neither giving in nor defeat; it’s wisdom.
Foundations are shifting—old expectations, relationships, projects built on sand. Witness collapse without resistance. Something must crack for what matters to thrive.
Tarot: The Tower. Let the walls burn; let smoke drift. Then search the rubble. What remains is what mattered all along.
Taurus:
Examine your self-care and the boundaries you’ve allowed to blur. The week pulls you toward abundance, but indulgence will hollow it out. Nourishment requires discipline.
Tarot: The Empress. Not lush feasts, but the quiet protection of what you grow: your values, your health, your soil. Refinement is dominion.
Gemini:
You’ve been scattering your brilliance. Trade quips for clarity. Choose one direction, one voice, one tool. Less doing, more becoming.
Tarot: The Magician. Use what you have, not what you wish for. One precise move outshines a hundred clever diversions.
Cancer:
Things aren’t as shallow as they seem. Navigate the emotional undercurrents. Let what’s hidden surface, unforced. Clarity comes from what’s concealed in the dark.
Tarot: The Moon. You’re begging for certainty, but illusion holds more truth. Step into the shimmer. Intuition reveals what daylight hides.
Leo:
You’ve been enjoying the spotlight, but what happens when the light dims? Radiance isn’t only for others to witness—it’s for you to live with. Sustain your internal glow.
Tarot: The Sun. Not display, but integrity. Radiate from your core. Absence gleams brighter than applause.
Virgo:
Refinement often comes through solitude. Tend the small, the exact, the bones of your own world. Withdrawal is not weakness; it’s craft.
Tarot: The Hermit. Distance is elegance. Carry a single lamp quietly through darkness and become the compass.
Libra:
Fairness is a blade, not a balm. Decisions you’ve postponed now demand alignment with your truth. Convenience masquerading as balance won’t hold.
Tarot: Justice. Not blindfolded promise, but the seeing, the weighing, the act. Use discernment as your knife—not to wound, but to cut falsehood free.
Scorpio:
Your hunger is ignited, but striking at shadows wastes fire. Secrets, internal revelations, what you aren’t saying—these are your leverage. Let what’s hidden rise unprovoked.
Tarot: The High Priestess. Power lives in silence. Knowing without telling. Let your interior be sanctuary, not spectacle.
Sagittarius:
The cosmos doesn’t want overflow; it wants harmony. Overextending now only leads to imbalance. Fuse extremes: rest and motion, silence and speech, longing and satisfaction.
Tarot: Temperance. The art of measured blending. Pour slowly. Let contradictions share a glass until they taste whole.
Capricorn:
Something is culminating. What’s most potent is not the ending, but what you do there: will you fall, or bow and claim what emerges? Completion isn’t collapse. It’s mastery.
Tarot: The World. Relinquish control. Stand still. Watch the circle seal itself—not by force, but by endurance.
Aquarius:
You’re standing in shadow but hope still flickers. Not loud, not clanging—a fragile brilliance that remakes the night around you. Even a single glimmer in the void matters.
Tarot: The Star. The signal in darkness. One spark can reorder the sky. Let faith in possibility anchor you.
Pisces:
Murkiness has you gasping for answers, but clarity waits in suspension. Stillness is your vantage now. Let go of the urge to act. Let things hang, then see what reveals itself.
Tarot: The Hanged Man. Vision sharpens upside down. Surrender is neither giving in nor defeat; it’s wisdom.
Week of September 8-14
By Holly Coleman
Aries:
Ambition has you clawing at locked doors. The racket’s impressive, but it won’t turn the key. Pick one target and stalk it in silence. Frenzy isn’t glory. Arrival is. Show up unannounced.
Taurus:
Patience is your specialty, but it curdles if you leave it out too long. Trade comfort for appetite: eat dessert first, kiss before the apology, rearrange the furniture mid-party. Ritual feeds the clock. Appetite feeds the flesh. Jump while you’re hungry.
Gemini:
Conversation is your party trick, but lately the room looks tired. Indulge in one good sentence, then let it hover. Ask one question you actually care about and stop talking while the answer happens. Editing is foreplay. Don’t skip it.
Cancer:
You’ve upholstered every surface with feelings and now the room can’t breathe. Rip a seam. Let something leak. Tell one unglamorous truth to someone who can take it, then walk away. Depth isn’t lost in the spill. It’s proved by the stain.
Leo:
Audience fatigue is real—yours and theirs. Put a cover charge on your attention: fewer favors, fewer pep talks, fewer free encores. Save one gleam for yourself and let the rest dim. Mystery earns more than martyrdom. Keep them begging.
Virgo:
Perfection is starting to look like taxidermy. You’ve polished the life out of it. Leave a smudge, miss a step, let one drawer stay messy. Control isn’t intimacy; it’s display. Nobody lusts after glass. They want fingerprints.
Libra:
You don’t need symmetry to be loved. Balance has flattened you—all gleam and no grip. Tip the scales until they rattle, let the prettiness crack. Perfect equilibrium isn’t grace. It’s rigor mortis in drag.
Scorpio:
Desire has teeth. Quit sanding them down. Make one move and skip the riddles. Not everything requires a trapdoor. Sometimes you just need to turn the knob. A bruise is proof, and proof is sexy.
Sagittarius:
Your grin is doing manual labor for a body that wants mutiny. Cancel one caffeine-induced plan and lie down without guilt. Let boredom press until the truth leaks out. Honesty is hotter than stamina. Lick your fingers and touch the flame.
Capricorn:
You keep auditioning for a future self while the present rolls its eyes. The crack on your phone, the stain you missed, the smile you let slip—imperfection is where you get interesting. Let it seduce you. Control isn’t the kink. It’s what you fixate on when you lose it.
Aquarius:
You’ve been orbiting your own body like it’s disposable space junk. Try re-entry: work it, stretch it, let it sweat. Ideas aren’t revolutions until the flesh can bear them. Your body is the engine. Keep it hot.
Pisces:
Memory isn’t a refuge; it’s a drug cut with nostalgia. You’ve been dosing on old scenes. Pull back an inch. Say one thing you mean and let it stay ugly. The future doesn’t want tidy. It wants you, dripping and awake.
Ambition has you clawing at locked doors. The racket’s impressive, but it won’t turn the key. Pick one target and stalk it in silence. Frenzy isn’t glory. Arrival is. Show up unannounced.
Taurus:
Patience is your specialty, but it curdles if you leave it out too long. Trade comfort for appetite: eat dessert first, kiss before the apology, rearrange the furniture mid-party. Ritual feeds the clock. Appetite feeds the flesh. Jump while you’re hungry.
Gemini:
Conversation is your party trick, but lately the room looks tired. Indulge in one good sentence, then let it hover. Ask one question you actually care about and stop talking while the answer happens. Editing is foreplay. Don’t skip it.
Cancer:
You’ve upholstered every surface with feelings and now the room can’t breathe. Rip a seam. Let something leak. Tell one unglamorous truth to someone who can take it, then walk away. Depth isn’t lost in the spill. It’s proved by the stain.
Leo:
Audience fatigue is real—yours and theirs. Put a cover charge on your attention: fewer favors, fewer pep talks, fewer free encores. Save one gleam for yourself and let the rest dim. Mystery earns more than martyrdom. Keep them begging.
Virgo:
Perfection is starting to look like taxidermy. You’ve polished the life out of it. Leave a smudge, miss a step, let one drawer stay messy. Control isn’t intimacy; it’s display. Nobody lusts after glass. They want fingerprints.
Libra:
You don’t need symmetry to be loved. Balance has flattened you—all gleam and no grip. Tip the scales until they rattle, let the prettiness crack. Perfect equilibrium isn’t grace. It’s rigor mortis in drag.
Scorpio:
Desire has teeth. Quit sanding them down. Make one move and skip the riddles. Not everything requires a trapdoor. Sometimes you just need to turn the knob. A bruise is proof, and proof is sexy.
Sagittarius:
Your grin is doing manual labor for a body that wants mutiny. Cancel one caffeine-induced plan and lie down without guilt. Let boredom press until the truth leaks out. Honesty is hotter than stamina. Lick your fingers and touch the flame.
Capricorn:
You keep auditioning for a future self while the present rolls its eyes. The crack on your phone, the stain you missed, the smile you let slip—imperfection is where you get interesting. Let it seduce you. Control isn’t the kink. It’s what you fixate on when you lose it.
Aquarius:
You’ve been orbiting your own body like it’s disposable space junk. Try re-entry: work it, stretch it, let it sweat. Ideas aren’t revolutions until the flesh can bear them. Your body is the engine. Keep it hot.
Pisces:
Memory isn’t a refuge; it’s a drug cut with nostalgia. You’ve been dosing on old scenes. Pull back an inch. Say one thing you mean and let it stay ugly. The future doesn’t want tidy. It wants you, dripping and awake.
Week of September 1-7
By Amalia Mairet
Aries:
You have some stuff to do & it’s sitting like a pit in your stomach. Write a list of tasks and eat the first half. Mash up that extra paper in your back teeth and swallow it. I’m serious. Then shit it out. You got this girl.
Taurus:
Look at all the items on your dresser. You’ve had enough time to put things in their place & you will never use that paperclip. Look how it’s rubbing away the wood varnish. Throw it out and get to dusting.
Gemini:
Are you even trying to get a job anymore? It’s fine if you’re not. No, really, it’s fine. I’ll get the next round. Hope Budweiser is okay. Just check your email before Monday—or delete it entirely.
Cancer:
You’ve been holding that arrow with the string taut since February and now the target is behind you. I bet you didn’t even realize that your fingers fell asleep. Wear a watch next week, or you will lose more time this way.
Leo:
A cold silver planet has been telling you to text your ex for months. But remember, you can control the order of your thoughts and the images that appear when you fuck yourself. At the end of the night, think about it. What would you rather have? Him or the money?
Virgo:
You’re full of that strange red energy that makes you want to jaywalk for no reason. Don’t listen. Don’t push. If you were walking with a child, you would take their hand and look around. Where are you? What are you looking at?
Libra:
The way you’re sitting on the couch is giving you a spinal hump. I’m only telling you because I care. You have time to stretch it out, if that’s the kind of thing that bothers you. You don’t even have to take your eyes off the television.
Scorpio:
I know you want to fall in love again but the timing’s all wrong. Too much pleasure makes everything soft and you need life hard and regular. Ew, sorry. Seriously though, there’s a difference between good and great. You should look into that.
Sagittarius:
Listen, it’s not enough to be sexy. Everyone is sexy these days. You have to go outside and eat a sandwich and try walking in a straight line. Summer is almost over. Don’t keep drowning in a dried-up pool.
Capricorn:
You’ve tried all July and August to figure people out. It hasn’t worked, and that’s okay—you have places to be. The next train leaves in five. Grab your bag and look at someone across the subway. Say hello. Say nothing. The lights will flash in hidden patterns.
Aquarius:
September is the season of investment. Go up to the roof and survey the kingdom, your domain. Big skyline and so many empty buildings. Maybe you should finally unpack.
Pisces:
Remember to finish your leftovers. Make a soup out of vegetable scraps. Drink the olive brine from that jar at the back of the fridge. Imagine it all moving slowly through your guts. That’s called introspection. You’re doing it already.
You have some stuff to do & it’s sitting like a pit in your stomach. Write a list of tasks and eat the first half. Mash up that extra paper in your back teeth and swallow it. I’m serious. Then shit it out. You got this girl.
Taurus:
Look at all the items on your dresser. You’ve had enough time to put things in their place & you will never use that paperclip. Look how it’s rubbing away the wood varnish. Throw it out and get to dusting.
Gemini:
Are you even trying to get a job anymore? It’s fine if you’re not. No, really, it’s fine. I’ll get the next round. Hope Budweiser is okay. Just check your email before Monday—or delete it entirely.
Cancer:
You’ve been holding that arrow with the string taut since February and now the target is behind you. I bet you didn’t even realize that your fingers fell asleep. Wear a watch next week, or you will lose more time this way.
Leo:
A cold silver planet has been telling you to text your ex for months. But remember, you can control the order of your thoughts and the images that appear when you fuck yourself. At the end of the night, think about it. What would you rather have? Him or the money?
Virgo:
You’re full of that strange red energy that makes you want to jaywalk for no reason. Don’t listen. Don’t push. If you were walking with a child, you would take their hand and look around. Where are you? What are you looking at?
Libra:
The way you’re sitting on the couch is giving you a spinal hump. I’m only telling you because I care. You have time to stretch it out, if that’s the kind of thing that bothers you. You don’t even have to take your eyes off the television.
Scorpio:
I know you want to fall in love again but the timing’s all wrong. Too much pleasure makes everything soft and you need life hard and regular. Ew, sorry. Seriously though, there’s a difference between good and great. You should look into that.
Sagittarius:
Listen, it’s not enough to be sexy. Everyone is sexy these days. You have to go outside and eat a sandwich and try walking in a straight line. Summer is almost over. Don’t keep drowning in a dried-up pool.
Capricorn:
You’ve tried all July and August to figure people out. It hasn’t worked, and that’s okay—you have places to be. The next train leaves in five. Grab your bag and look at someone across the subway. Say hello. Say nothing. The lights will flash in hidden patterns.
Aquarius:
September is the season of investment. Go up to the roof and survey the kingdom, your domain. Big skyline and so many empty buildings. Maybe you should finally unpack.
Pisces:
Remember to finish your leftovers. Make a soup out of vegetable scraps. Drink the olive brine from that jar at the back of the fridge. Imagine it all moving slowly through your guts. That’s called introspection. You’re doing it already.
Week of August 25-31
By Bernard Cohen
Aries:
You are happy to spend
Time with me and for the
First time in a very long time you have to
Switch up your schedule to do so
Taurus:
You do have chronic pain, you hobble, and you are
Voiceless a lot of the time. You do things
Clinically when appropriate
Gemini:
You are waiting to surf and play the
Long game. You grabbed the
Bottle out of my hand
Cancer:
Your wallet can be contiguous with
Mine. It hurts when you take things the wrong way (you are a
Cancer so you have waterlike tendencies)
Leo:
You and I think wildly
About each other through a pinhole. You
Shimmer when you get called on
Virgo:
Your breathing on the phone had me
Listless, you’re the biggest crocodile I know
Libra:
There is something desperate in your curation, as if you
Are mediated by the vagal
Scorpio:
You get stoned and hold your back up. You are
All flighty. Scorpio, all of a sudden you have
Notes on my condition
Sagittarius:
You could be in limbo, drinking crème de menthe by the
Company pool. You could rest it all like baby in a truck
Capricorn:
When the glass broke in your hand you
Circled that moment. You’d love to work a little more, “in the
Dark, I can love this place”
Aquarius:
You look up as if for more Ambien. I can help you resonate in
Times of severe duplicity
Pisces:
I don’t know about you that way. Memory girl floating through
Space. You will look at yourself and you will be
Made entirely out of 100 spots
You are happy to spend
Time with me and for the
First time in a very long time you have to
Switch up your schedule to do so
Taurus:
You do have chronic pain, you hobble, and you are
Voiceless a lot of the time. You do things
Clinically when appropriate
Gemini:
You are waiting to surf and play the
Long game. You grabbed the
Bottle out of my hand
Cancer:
Your wallet can be contiguous with
Mine. It hurts when you take things the wrong way (you are a
Cancer so you have waterlike tendencies)
Leo:
You and I think wildly
About each other through a pinhole. You
Shimmer when you get called on
Virgo:
Your breathing on the phone had me
Listless, you’re the biggest crocodile I know
Libra:
There is something desperate in your curation, as if you
Are mediated by the vagal
Scorpio:
You get stoned and hold your back up. You are
All flighty. Scorpio, all of a sudden you have
Notes on my condition
Sagittarius:
You could be in limbo, drinking crème de menthe by the
Company pool. You could rest it all like baby in a truck
Capricorn:
When the glass broke in your hand you
Circled that moment. You’d love to work a little more, “in the
Dark, I can love this place”
Aquarius:
You look up as if for more Ambien. I can help you resonate in
Times of severe duplicity
Pisces:
I don’t know about you that way. Memory girl floating through
Space. You will look at yourself and you will be
Made entirely out of 100 spots
Week of August 18-24
By Angel Kether
Aries:
You might be releasing light, but light sometimes reminds us of Lucifer. It’s time for you to let go of your anger towards things you cannot control. Do an activity that excites every part of your body and soul. There is a conflict within that you will have the opportunity to resolve this week, most likely around Wednesday.
Taurus:
During this week you might like to observe the moon deeply and harvest its energy. It’s time for you to transmute your desire for pleasure into creativity. Feed a pigeon on Thursday and repeat “AUM” slowly while exhaling before you go to sleep. Remember that smoking hurts you more than it hurts your friends.
Gemini:
You dislike conflict yet you have been creating it lately. Something is pushing you over the edge and you are just letting it happen. Embrace the journey of a hermit for a couple of days and let your imagination grow. Stop thinking about people and start thinking about things and activities, such as picking stones. If you vape you have to stop because your lungs are sensitive.
Cancer:
You have been happier lately, keep it up. Stay positive and go swim in a river. Remember that a lot of negativity comes from your phone and you are easily influenced. To gain real inspiration you have to log off and collect mudskippers.
Leo:
You are trying to seem put together but you are not. Remember that you are the child of the sun. You have the power to do great things if you let yourself be concentrated. Let go of the fantasy and see your true self, everything else will follow. It’s on you to get things done.
Virgo:
Don’t lose hope. Get inspired by leo and celebrate life this week. The sun is beautiful and the moon is beautiful. You are alive in the presence of both. Sometimes there is no darkness beneath things. Sometimes there is only love.
Libra:
You love to be prepared, but this week allow yourself to be spontaneous. There are things ahead of you that you don’t have to worry about. Remember that science and wisdom are two different things. Invoke the divine forces, concentrate on that terrestrial current ascending.
Scorpio:
Stop ignoring the voice of the divine mother, instead connect with her. Don’t be doubtful. Your life will get better significantly upon embracing sexual transmutation. Trust.
Sagittarius:
You have the easiest access to the astral and so you better start using it. Foster empathy within your spiritual journey. Hum “sssssssssssssssss” before falling asleep. If you feel restless, consider starting Taekwondo classes.
Capricorn:
You radiate kindness and youth right now. Finally you are realizing that you can have confidence and luck too. Remember that things don’t have to be difficult to have value. Pet a dog this week.
Aquarius:
Your actions have consequences. If you don’t activate your unique purpose you will be unhappy. Avoid crying babies this week.
Pisces:
You are still so lost. Why are you running away from yourself? Stop holding back and stop creating artificial identity for yourself. You are who you are and you have imperfections, that’s okay. If you feel sad this week remember it’s most likely caused by your own thoughts and actions. It is not hard to be grateful.
You might be releasing light, but light sometimes reminds us of Lucifer. It’s time for you to let go of your anger towards things you cannot control. Do an activity that excites every part of your body and soul. There is a conflict within that you will have the opportunity to resolve this week, most likely around Wednesday.
Taurus:
During this week you might like to observe the moon deeply and harvest its energy. It’s time for you to transmute your desire for pleasure into creativity. Feed a pigeon on Thursday and repeat “AUM” slowly while exhaling before you go to sleep. Remember that smoking hurts you more than it hurts your friends.
Gemini:
You dislike conflict yet you have been creating it lately. Something is pushing you over the edge and you are just letting it happen. Embrace the journey of a hermit for a couple of days and let your imagination grow. Stop thinking about people and start thinking about things and activities, such as picking stones. If you vape you have to stop because your lungs are sensitive.
Cancer:
You have been happier lately, keep it up. Stay positive and go swim in a river. Remember that a lot of negativity comes from your phone and you are easily influenced. To gain real inspiration you have to log off and collect mudskippers.
Leo:
You are trying to seem put together but you are not. Remember that you are the child of the sun. You have the power to do great things if you let yourself be concentrated. Let go of the fantasy and see your true self, everything else will follow. It’s on you to get things done.
Virgo:
Don’t lose hope. Get inspired by leo and celebrate life this week. The sun is beautiful and the moon is beautiful. You are alive in the presence of both. Sometimes there is no darkness beneath things. Sometimes there is only love.
Libra:
You love to be prepared, but this week allow yourself to be spontaneous. There are things ahead of you that you don’t have to worry about. Remember that science and wisdom are two different things. Invoke the divine forces, concentrate on that terrestrial current ascending.
Scorpio:
Stop ignoring the voice of the divine mother, instead connect with her. Don’t be doubtful. Your life will get better significantly upon embracing sexual transmutation. Trust.
Sagittarius:
You have the easiest access to the astral and so you better start using it. Foster empathy within your spiritual journey. Hum “sssssssssssssssss” before falling asleep. If you feel restless, consider starting Taekwondo classes.
Capricorn:
You radiate kindness and youth right now. Finally you are realizing that you can have confidence and luck too. Remember that things don’t have to be difficult to have value. Pet a dog this week.
Aquarius:
Your actions have consequences. If you don’t activate your unique purpose you will be unhappy. Avoid crying babies this week.
Pisces:
You are still so lost. Why are you running away from yourself? Stop holding back and stop creating artificial identity for yourself. You are who you are and you have imperfections, that’s okay. If you feel sad this week remember it’s most likely caused by your own thoughts and actions. It is not hard to be grateful.
Week of August 11-17
By Wanda Noonan
Aries:
Don’t walk back what you just said. The only way out (of this conversation) is through. Let the people around you rise to the occasion rather than babying them. Let forward motion be a shared goal.
Taurus:
Don’t be a hero. If “should” is making you feel twisty inside, put it on hold. Your larger commitments are all well and good, but it’s time to let yourself express something you’ve been putting off. Be a little selfish this week.
Gemini:
Your normal mediums are feeling threadbare. Try something cringe in private. Write a country song on a napkin. Spray paint your first word on a city-owned garbage truck. Do something that nothing will come of and let it recharge you.
Cancer:
Other people’s conclusions aren’t just out of your control—they’re not even your business! Petty frustrations are blocking you from seeing the big picture. Stay out of the weeds if you can help it. You’re on a larger arc than you can see right now.
Leo:
If music is playing and no one’s dancing, it might be on you to get up and start to groove. This is your season after all. Relish the authority and use it for good. We need you!
Virgo:
If you’re feeling sentimental this week, it’s because the trends targeting you have missed their mark. That’s a good thing! Think back on a time in your life you felt held, catered to, seen. Queue up an album you used to love, put on a shirt you haven’t worn in a while. The present moment is bewildering. Hold your own hand and try not to take things too personally.
Libra:
Clarity is coming in waves, and it can feel powerful and lonely. This is a good week to journal before you speak, lest your insights fall on sensitized ears and backfire (especially if dealing with a Virgo). You’re smart. Go in with a plan.
Scorpio:
Your shoulders are looking a little stiff. Put a picture of yourself on the wall and throw a dart at it. Laughter will lubricate your efforts this week. Flexibility over brute force.
Sagittarius:
Someone is looking for you! If pieces of your energy are rearing up and feel unmet, it’s because collaboration is imminent. Reach out to an acquaintance just to say hi. They are concocting something and they need you.
Capricorn:
Be wary of autopilot. It’s okay to hold off on decisions if you don’t have an answer. Reacting quickly to appease isn’t your friend this week. Err on the side of “I’ll get back to you.”
Aquarius:
As always, you’re seeing things other people miss. Sit in a summer-emptied cafe and watch, for a lost dog to trot past or a bit actor from a show you loved in high school. The world wants to show you things.
Pisces:
Passions are cresting and you might be feeling a little sorry for yourself. Mid August is the most liminal time of year, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Especially for you! Call someone you trust and let yourself babble.
Don’t walk back what you just said. The only way out (of this conversation) is through. Let the people around you rise to the occasion rather than babying them. Let forward motion be a shared goal.
Taurus:
Don’t be a hero. If “should” is making you feel twisty inside, put it on hold. Your larger commitments are all well and good, but it’s time to let yourself express something you’ve been putting off. Be a little selfish this week.
Gemini:
Your normal mediums are feeling threadbare. Try something cringe in private. Write a country song on a napkin. Spray paint your first word on a city-owned garbage truck. Do something that nothing will come of and let it recharge you.
Cancer:
Other people’s conclusions aren’t just out of your control—they’re not even your business! Petty frustrations are blocking you from seeing the big picture. Stay out of the weeds if you can help it. You’re on a larger arc than you can see right now.
Leo:
If music is playing and no one’s dancing, it might be on you to get up and start to groove. This is your season after all. Relish the authority and use it for good. We need you!
Virgo:
If you’re feeling sentimental this week, it’s because the trends targeting you have missed their mark. That’s a good thing! Think back on a time in your life you felt held, catered to, seen. Queue up an album you used to love, put on a shirt you haven’t worn in a while. The present moment is bewildering. Hold your own hand and try not to take things too personally.
Libra:
Clarity is coming in waves, and it can feel powerful and lonely. This is a good week to journal before you speak, lest your insights fall on sensitized ears and backfire (especially if dealing with a Virgo). You’re smart. Go in with a plan.
Scorpio:
Your shoulders are looking a little stiff. Put a picture of yourself on the wall and throw a dart at it. Laughter will lubricate your efforts this week. Flexibility over brute force.
Sagittarius:
Someone is looking for you! If pieces of your energy are rearing up and feel unmet, it’s because collaboration is imminent. Reach out to an acquaintance just to say hi. They are concocting something and they need you.
Capricorn:
Be wary of autopilot. It’s okay to hold off on decisions if you don’t have an answer. Reacting quickly to appease isn’t your friend this week. Err on the side of “I’ll get back to you.”
Aquarius:
As always, you’re seeing things other people miss. Sit in a summer-emptied cafe and watch, for a lost dog to trot past or a bit actor from a show you loved in high school. The world wants to show you things.
Pisces:
Passions are cresting and you might be feeling a little sorry for yourself. Mid August is the most liminal time of year, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Especially for you! Call someone you trust and let yourself babble.
Week of August 4-10
By Wanda Noonan
Aries:
You’re feeling sticky this week, and it’s not just the weather. Wanting space and wanting closeness doesn’t have to contradict. If “no” is a sentence, “yes” is a book. Open it.
Taurus:
Becoming an adult could take the rest of your life. Let the interpersonal letdowns of late act as stepping stones to actualization. Tap the railing as you climb, but don’t hold onto it.
Gemini:
A new addition to your friend group is feeling a little close for comfort. Remember: Life is long. Let someone you think is stupid surprise you. A broken clock is right twice a day.
Cancer:
Family matters have you feeling like a boat out at sea. Luckily, you aren’t scared of what’s in the water. Imagine the things growing on the underside of the boat. You’ll be back on land sooner than you think, and you’ll miss them.
Leo:
The haze and the heat exhilarate and baffle you, and nothing lasts forever. People want to hear from you— Err on the side of hitting “send” (better yet, “call”). Let your palest parts get a little sun. You are not replaceable.
Virgo:
Practice thinking about things just enough and not more than that. Light distractions to break rumination. Order a drink you aren’t sure you’ll like. Forego the straw.
Libra:
Your thoughts aren’t always your friends. When the shallow ones start to swirl, turn to sensation (The crash of a gong, or a headphones-free subway ride) to scatter them. You don’t have to answer every question. You don’t have to answer any questions!
Scorpio:
These trenches of summer complement your vibrant internal landscape. Practice sitting comfortably inside yourself without turning the lights on. Your season is right around the corner.
Sagittarius:
If you want your summer dreams to come true, you’ll have to take initiative. Not everyone can keep up with you, but they’ll be glad to come along for the ride. Try not to hold it against them.
Capricorn:
When looking at what you’ve earned makes you feel shaky, remember: This isn’t jenga, it’s chutes and ladders. For better or for worse, you are a climber. Loosen your boots in the presence of a trusted friend and tie them tighter tomorrow.
Aquarius:
Stepping off the path feels good, doesn’t it? Your mind is on the brink of a conclusion, and creating a shift in routine this week will help it get there. Can you take the stairs instead of the elevator? Yellow subway seat instead of orange? Hold off on texting back right away? People need you, but not in the way they think and not all the time. A moon viewed out of focus is no less a moon.
Pisces:
The dimension you were built for isn’t the one we’re living in. People are especially drawn to you this week. Let them hold the door and buy your drink. When the curtain falls, you’ll be laughing.
You’re feeling sticky this week, and it’s not just the weather. Wanting space and wanting closeness doesn’t have to contradict. If “no” is a sentence, “yes” is a book. Open it.
Taurus:
Becoming an adult could take the rest of your life. Let the interpersonal letdowns of late act as stepping stones to actualization. Tap the railing as you climb, but don’t hold onto it.
Gemini:
A new addition to your friend group is feeling a little close for comfort. Remember: Life is long. Let someone you think is stupid surprise you. A broken clock is right twice a day.
Cancer:
Family matters have you feeling like a boat out at sea. Luckily, you aren’t scared of what’s in the water. Imagine the things growing on the underside of the boat. You’ll be back on land sooner than you think, and you’ll miss them.
Leo:
The haze and the heat exhilarate and baffle you, and nothing lasts forever. People want to hear from you— Err on the side of hitting “send” (better yet, “call”). Let your palest parts get a little sun. You are not replaceable.
Virgo:
Practice thinking about things just enough and not more than that. Light distractions to break rumination. Order a drink you aren’t sure you’ll like. Forego the straw.
Libra:
Your thoughts aren’t always your friends. When the shallow ones start to swirl, turn to sensation (The crash of a gong, or a headphones-free subway ride) to scatter them. You don’t have to answer every question. You don’t have to answer any questions!
Scorpio:
These trenches of summer complement your vibrant internal landscape. Practice sitting comfortably inside yourself without turning the lights on. Your season is right around the corner.
Sagittarius:
If you want your summer dreams to come true, you’ll have to take initiative. Not everyone can keep up with you, but they’ll be glad to come along for the ride. Try not to hold it against them.
Capricorn:
When looking at what you’ve earned makes you feel shaky, remember: This isn’t jenga, it’s chutes and ladders. For better or for worse, you are a climber. Loosen your boots in the presence of a trusted friend and tie them tighter tomorrow.
Aquarius:
Stepping off the path feels good, doesn’t it? Your mind is on the brink of a conclusion, and creating a shift in routine this week will help it get there. Can you take the stairs instead of the elevator? Yellow subway seat instead of orange? Hold off on texting back right away? People need you, but not in the way they think and not all the time. A moon viewed out of focus is no less a moon.
Pisces:
The dimension you were built for isn’t the one we’re living in. People are especially drawn to you this week. Let them hold the door and buy your drink. When the curtain falls, you’ll be laughing.